


The Trouble with loving you is...

by jade_lil



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Arashi - Freeform, Canon Het Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff/Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-03 06:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jade_lil/pseuds/jade_lil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the prompt : “I’m not your ex-boyfriend and friend for nothing; I’m not still here for nothing. I’m here to make sure that your next boyfriend is someone way better than me… let’s go find you a punching bag.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ex-Boyfriend-Turned-Bestfriend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chellie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=chellie), [shardaunei](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=shardaunei).



> Originally posted in Freestyle Forums.

She’s not even sure why she’s here. The fact that she had just broken up with her boyfriend (her third for the past five months) and sulking like a toddler inside his ex-boyfriend-turned-bestfriend’s apartment when he’s not even in here should be listed as one of the weirdest thing a girl her age should be doing, but she doesn’t think she even cares about anything at the moment. Everyone can go the hell away and die and she won’t even give a damn, won’t even try to pretend she cares when she knows she can’t even be bothered to –   
  
“I really should have taken Leader’s offer about changing my locks when he was doing that Locked Room Mystery drama because for one, the locks are free and two, I don’t have to deal with coming home to weeping intruders who does nothing but to get slobber all over my expensive seat cushions,”   
  
Charry looks up from where she had buried her face -- the softest cushions she was able to find two minutes after slumping onto the sofa -- and possibly Nino’s favorite, maybe.   
  
“I was not weeping,” she tells him matter-of-factly, pouting when Nino all but shrugs and tosses his work bag aside, throwing his keys on the nearby key-pot before strutting towards his miniscule kitchen to fetch himself a bottle of water; she knows this because she’s been here enough times to memorize Nino’s habits when he comes home.   
  
“Right,” Nino mutters to the bottle, taking a long swig and eyeing her critically as he walks towards her, nudging at her to move so he can sit down as well without actually opening his mouth to talk. This makes her grimace in return but she finds herself moving to give him some space, dragging herself into the opposite side as Nino settles down comfortably on the other end, propping his feet on top of his coffee table. “So you weren’t weeping – were you drooling on my cushion then? Really, Charry, if you think it’s charming painting world maps using your saliva as ink and my expensive cushions as your canvass, then surely, there’s something wrong with your brain and I don’t think I am powerful enough to help you,”   
  
She leans back and pulls an eyelid at him. “I’m suddenly remembering the reasons why I broke up with you; the MAIN reason, actually,” she says, her mouth twitching into a small smile when Nino throws her an incredulous little glare.   
  
“Oh, I think you’re suffering a mental relapse, baby,” Nino bites back, tapping his chin thoughtfully while he’s staring at her, an obvious wicked smile playing on his lips. “ – because if I remember it correctly, it was the other way around,”   
  
Charry smiles her sweetest before she slowly lets herself up and braces herself up against the backseat of Nino’s sofa, her hands on either side of her hips.   
  
“I don’t really know how you managed to keep up with that huge ego of yours but I think it only works with girls who don’t know you at all. But since I’m one of those unfortunate few –“ she says, pausing when Nino immediately hisses MANY and she ignores him, “ – _FEW_ , who fell for your charm the first time around, I think I’m going to let that pass. Anyway, I have all the evidence stating that it was me who dumped you, and not the other way around,”   
  
Nino shrugs when she slumps right back, feeling slightly better after that impromptu verbal sparring with Nino. She literally deflates when she feels Nino’s arms worming around her shoulders, and Nino pulling her to his side closer and closer still, until she can almost feel Nino’s breath on top of her head. She heaves a sigh probably deeper than the Indian Ocean and turns around inside Nino’s arms to bury her face against Nino’s chest.   
  
“I know you didn’t come all the way here to remind me whoever dumped who because we both know it didn’t matter, not then, and definitely not now; so tell me, what brought you here? I suppose it’s certainly not to drool over my furniture or flood my apartment with your tears because I might be forced to sue you, Charry,”   
  
She chuckles through the oncoming tears, pressing closer to the familiar warmth of Nino’s body as Nino holds her close, dropping light kisses on top of her head. She doesn’t know why she bothers coming here, why Nino’s always the first one she goes to everytime her relationship ended.  
  
“I caught Mirokawa-san fuc*** his assistant on top of his executive table,” she says, wincing at the name of her boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, and the memory of his bare a$* and hips moving as he fucks his assistant to oblivion. “ – and he didn’t even bothered stopping to say hi when I opened the door, and he instead yelled at me to go the f*** away and to never come back. The bastard even got the balls to break up with me while he’s got his dick shoved inside someone else’s –“   
  
Nino chuckles but Charry is sure there’s hidden curse in there somewhere. “Language, Char,” Nino mutters into her hair as she does her best to shake her anger by curling her fingers tightly against the collar of Nino’s shirt.   
  
“I don’t know what is wrong with me,” she hisses, hurt and humiliated and the combination of so many other emotions she can’t put a name on. “Tell me honestly, Kazu, am I even worth to be someone else’s girlfriend? You and me, we broke up because of something so petty, and now I find myself dating a bunch of crappy guys who doesn’t even give a sh*t about me when they realized I’m not like those whores they used to date, who lets them get their way inside those girls pants after just the first date,” she mutters, feeling too angry to even realize just how pathetic she must have look right now.   
  
“I was going to say ‘it’s not you, it’s them’ but then I guess that line have been used enough on you that you might end up punching me in the face if I dare saying it again – which, come to think of it, I’ve just said it, didn’t I?”   
  
She snorts and punches him lightly in the chest. “You’re not helping, Kazunari,” she accuses him with a little jab on his chest, sniffing. “I don’t even know why I bother coming here when I know you’re only going to make fun of my pain,” she adds, feeling small and broken and exactly like a battered housewife, except that she’s not.   
  
“I thought… I thought you’re my f-friend,” she mutters, and she doesn’t really know why the fact hurts even more now, when she knows they can’t be nothing more than that; but Nino is special, the same way Nino admits how important she is to him and not even the fact that they’re not together can change the way she means to him.   
  
She feels his arms tightening around her before his lips lands against the side of her temple, that overly familiar gesture she didn’t think she looked forward to until Nino does it; then she is being pushed back and Nino’s small hands are immediately cupping her face as Nino stares straight into her eyes.   
  
“Your boyfriends are a bunch of assholes, I get that but it’s not the end of the world, Char; you’ll get over it, you’ll get over him in time and you won’t even realize that you’re already over him because I’ll make sure you won’t think of him when you’re with me. So stop sulking because it will only make you uglier than you already are. Cheer up, okay? I’m here. I haven’t run off from you even though you’re such a pain because you know how important you are to me. I’m not your ex-boyfriend and friend for nothing; I’m not still here for nothing. I’m here to make sure that your next boyfriend is someone way better than me… let’s go find you a punching bag.” Nino says without pausing, hands reaching behind him to retrieve his phone.   
  
Charry’s vision is blurred with grateful tears and Nino’s other hand reaches up to wipes her cheeks as his other hand is quickly pressing his speed dial, slapping his phone against his ear with a smile   
  
“Kazu,”   
  
“Shhh,” Nino hushes her, thumbing at the corners of her mouth as she blinks her tears away. “ – we’re going to call Aiba-chan now; just smile and I’ll do the rest, okay?”   
  
She nods just as Nino leans forward, planting a soft kiss against her temple.


	2. The Back up team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nino has this stupid epiphany about being with Charry for the rest of his life, something he still can’t be man enough to say to anyone, most especially to her because he thinks – he knows that no matter what, he can never be good enough for her. He doesn’t want to trap her into a relationship he doesn’t know if he can ever be good at, and the fact that they have broken up in the first place was proof enough that he can never be that someone whom she can rely to at times when she needed him most.

Nino watches her from this spot where he knows she can’t see him; hands shoved in his pants pockets as he studies her from afar. She’s laughing almost boisterously, but it’s possible that it is because Aiba is currently impersonating a choking monkey, throwing his gangly limbs all over the place while Charry is literally rolling on the floor, laughing.   
  
He can’t help but feel a little worried whenever she shows up at his place looking like she’s ready to pounce on anyone who is to ask her if she’s alright, and it’s probably one of the many reasons why she goes straight to him during those times because he knows just when to press her for answers, details about that part of her life he doesn’t think he would like to know about anyway. Not to mention the fact that they’ve dated longer than all his relationships combined, and that doesn’t even include the years they remained friends after they broke up.   
  
Nino has this stupid epiphany about being with Charry for the rest of his life, something he still can’t be man enough to say to anyone, most especially to her because he thinks – he knows that no matter what, he can never be good enough for her. He doesn’t want to trap her into a relationship he doesn’t know if he can ever be good at, and the fact that they have broken up in the first place was proof enough that he can never be that someone whom she can rely to at times when she needed him most.   
  
It pains him to see her break down everytime she goes to him, fragile and broken and mostly blaming the world and herself for yet another failed relationship, and he can’t do anything more than hold her and listen to her complain about her apparent stupidity, about her ex-boyfriend’s stupidity and about the whole world ganging up on her to apparently make her suffer. He doesn’t want to admit that he always feel a little relieved to know that no one has yet to capture her heart, at least permanently, and that he can still pretend that one day, soon, he’ll be able to tell her that, yes, I still love you and yes, I wish you can be mine again.   
  
He chuckles when he sees Jun struts his way towards Charry and Aiba, who are then lying on the floor giggling like a bunch of crazy people, their giggling forms look like a couple of useless logs blocking the way to Aiba’s living room. Nino takes in the sight of her happy smile the way he knows he can never do when they’re together and lets out a tiny laughter when he sees Jun leans down only to whack the two in the heads and accusing them of being a pair of lunatics, and if they can please get up because the dinner is ready and if they can kindly wash their hands first please, thank you very much, before he turns back around, grinning and shaking his head quietly, fondly.   
  
He doesn’t know if his bandmates are aware about the way he still feels about her and for that, he is glad; he doesn’t know if he can manage to cheer her up on his own, or if he even has it in him to cheer her up at all for he’s one of those bastards who had hurt her, maybe worst than anyone who’s ever hurt her before. He is glad that Aiba is always up to acting like a total moron, at least more than he usually acts around them when he asks him to, especially when he mentions that it isn’t for him but for Charry. Aiba, who has been his longest friend out of the four, seemed to know how relatively important it is for Nino that Charry remained happy, even if it means he has to suffer a specifically major embarrassment just to cheer her up.   
  
Nino is also glad that Jun knows when to keep quiet when Nino brings Charry over for an impromptu dinner, and especially glad that Jun makes it his number one priority to cook something very special for her without asking why.   
  
And then there’s Sho and Ohno, and Nino can’t be happier to have those two old men as his friends because the two just know when to team up and do all the crazy things they can think of just to make sure she won’t do anything but laugh the whole time she is with them.   
  
He watches as Aiba tugs her up from the floor and laughs at the way she giggles some more when Aiba starts impersonating a barfing giraffe before Jun yells at them to move the hell along from his spot in the kitchen. It’s amazing to see his friends go out of their way to cheer someone who doesn’t even belong to the Arashi circle, and yet there has never a time they made her feel out of place whenever she’s with them, even when she and Nino are still together. But even now, when Nino supposes it is awkward to ask for his friends’ help when he and Charry are just that, friends, his bandmates never once refused him. He doesn’t even have to do anything, just stand there and watch his friends make the most important girl of his life happy, the way he knows he can never be able to.   
“I wonder how long you’re going to stop pretending that she is happier with you than she’s ever been when she’s with other people,” Sho comments from beside him, so sudden that Nino doesn’t realize he is opening his mouth to answer before he can even stop himself.   
  
“And risk not having the luxury of holding her to at least help her bear the pain knowing that it is me who hurts her again? No fuc*** way; I’ve been there before and you don’t know how horribly helpless I felt then, watching her waste her life away because of me, because I knew I was the reason why she’s miserable but I couldn’t do anything to fix it, and now that we have this, whatever the hell this is, I’m not that stupid to jump on the very first chance to get her back if I know I’m only going to end up hurting her again.” he answers, realizing belatedly the implication of what he just said as he bites his lips hard enough that he tastes blood in his tongue as he does so.   
  
Sho throws an arm around his shoulders and tucks him close, the sounds of their friends’ voices the only thing that’s keeping Nino on his toes. “Ever the cynical fool, why can’t you see that she still loves you as much as she did when you first got together?” Sho asks just as Nino whips around to stare at Sho in disbelief.   
  
“Sho-chan, I know I’m probably the worst person there is, but that’s just low, even for you,” he mutters, his tone layered with accusation that he doesn’t even try masking as he pushes Sho away, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.   
  
Sho shakes his head and reaches over to pat him in the head. “D’you think I’m lying to you, Nino? Then why don’t you try opening your eyes for once and watch her closely – watch her the way you should have done ages ago and you will see what I mean,” Sho says, squeezing his shoulder before walking away and leaving Nino to deal with his own inner tremors alone.   
  
“Kazunari, where the hell are you? Your idol friends are trying to kill me with food I can’t even eat, come here and save me!” Charry’s yells take over the deafening sound of his racing heartbeat and Nino is glad for the little mercy; he can’t think past the words Sho uttered just a few moments ago, and for once, Nino wonders if he can do this, if he can even face her now.   
  
He still loves her, that much he knows is true, but to know that she somehow loves him too, after all these time, after all the heartaches he caused her, kind of changes the whole universe in an instant and suddenly, Nino feels so lost, so terrified he can’t hardly focus.   
  
“Kazu, what in god’s name are you still doing here? Your friends are already devouring Matsumoto-san’s special dinner there like pigs and you’re still here, staring at nothing and –“   
  
He cuts her off with an abrupt embrace, trapping her inside the safety of his arms with his eyes closed and breathing her scent in the way he used to. He doesn’t know he missed this until she is back in her arms like this, and he doesn’t know he loves her way too much until she came back.   
  
“ – Kazu?” she calls, her voice is small and hesitant and Nino knows he’s still not ready to ask her yet, not when he’s only supposed to cheer her up and not –   
  
He pulls back just far enough so he can look at her, smiling as he curls his hand around her cheeks and leans in to press a soft kiss against her temple.   
  
“Let’s go before those bastards I call friends finishes all the food,” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulders and guiding her forward quietly, ignoring the way she is looking confusedly back at him.


	3. The Complication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She remembers looking into Nino’s eyes and seeing the man she had fell in love with for like the first time in months since they’ve started dating, and in that briefest second, she kind of regretted shoving Nino away, regretted breaking up with Nino for all the senseless reasons she still can’t forgive herself until now.

She finds herself wondering most of the time, how amazing it is to stay friends with Nino after all the things that happened between them; how they have completely bypassed the awkward stage between their break up to that fateful day she found Nino sitting in front of her apartment door and looking the least like the idol that he is only to propose the idea of ‘staying friends’ (in hurried voice and almost desperate expression), despite the fact that they both knew how hard it would be in the first place. She remembers looking into Nino’s eyes and seeing the man she had fell in love with for like the first time in months since they’ve started dating, and in that briefest second, she kind of regretted shoving Nino away, regretted breaking up with Nino for all the senseless reasons she still can’t forgive herself until now.   
  
But she didn’t say anything then, even when she found herself nodding to every word Nino was saying; she remembers feeling numb to the point where she didn’t know she was already crying, sobbing wordlessly until Nino wormed his arms around her and mumbled his apologies through her hair.   
  
She realized then that she didn’t want Nino’s apologies, or all of those things he said he could never give her, aside from the ones she doesn’t even need; she knew right then that she was willing to take whatever Nino can give her, even if it’s only friendship – even if it’s not his love, or he himself.   
  
She loved him so much that she was willing to pretend that she was no longer in love with him, that she had wholeheartedly accepted the friendship he was so intent at giving her if it’s the only way to make him stay.   
  
She just wanted Nino to stay, even if it meant she has to lie to herself over and over again, and even if it meant she’d have to give up on finding her own happiness.   
  
Because Nino was her happiness, and there will never be anyone who can fill that huge space in her heart she reserved for Nino, and for Nino alone.   
Up to this day, Nino stayed true to his words by being one of the few people who keeps Charry grounded, and who continued to being one of the few constant things that holds Charry’s life together without him even knowing it.   
  
She watches him quietly as he piles food onto her plate, their arms brushing together at every little movement while he keeps up with his friends’ conversation; there was never a time when she felt out of place when she’s in the company of Nino’s closest friends, and the other four seemed to have always known how to include her in everything they do when she’s with them. She doesn’t really know how they managed to do that, but she just treated it as one of the many perks of being Ninomiya Kazunari’s self-proclaimed best friend.   
  
A gentle nudge on her elbow brings her back to the present and she realizes that the five has gone silent and is watching her while she stares unblinking at the fly strolling at the opposite end of her chopsticks.   
  
“Is she okay?” Aiba blurts out, looking terminally concerned as he struggles to shove a huge piece of fried chicken wing into his mouth; Nino sees this and grimaces before grabbing a glass of orange juice Jun has prepared, handing it to Charry.   
  
She stares between Nino’s face and the juice in Nino’s hand. “Eh?”   
  
Nino smirks and pushes the glass so near to her face she almost goes cross-eyed. “Keep up with that, Charity and I swear to god, the next place I will take you to is the mental institution,” he says with as much venom he can manage to put into his tone but Charry knows him well enough to read right through her bestfriend’s snark to believe him.   
  
Sho and Ohno almost chokes on their laughter and Aiba starts coughing the chicken and rice he just shoved into his mouth, and Jun jumping out of his seat to thump Aiba on the back but not before thwacking him upside the head for being such an idiot , muttering please don’t you dare die here, oh my god.   
  
Nino has an arm wormed around her waist and she has both of hers grabbing Nino’s arm for support, and she realizes this at the same time Sho’s gaze darts towards them, a little smile forming at the corners of the older man’s mouth. She immediately lets go, looking down and away, avoiding Sho’s meaningful gazes and feels Nino shifting absently closer to her side, his arm protectively still wrapped around her.   
  
“Aiba-chan, you are the grossest idol to ever exist,” Nino complains, loudly, and Charry almost jumps in shock as she starts to pull away but Nino’s arm is quickly tugging her back. “ – see, you’re scaring Charry too; I bet you she’s too shock to even say anything, seeing a member of Japan’s number one idol group puking rice and chicken all over the place because he’s too stupid and so much of an idiot to –“   
  
“Oi!” Aiba manages to yell, jabbing an angry finger at Nino and looking hilariously funny with all those grains of rice adorning his face. “Oi, oi, oi, watch your mouth, Nino-chan! You probably don’t know it, but according to the last month’s AnAn magazine survey, I’ve already surpassed Matsujun’s spot as Tokyo’s no. 1 ‘Idol who girls want to be their boyfriend’ category!”   
  
Nino looks highly unimpressed, pointing back an accusing finger at Aiba and yelling, “There is no such survey, who the hell are you kidding?!” in such obscene way that prompted the rest of them to laugh, loud and carefree, as Charry shivers a little to the feel of Nino’s warm hand down the small of her back.   
  
#   
  
She volunteered to wash the dishes and thwarted Nino’s attempts at helping her by literally shoving Ohno into his lap which the older man happily obliged by worming an arm around Nino’s waist and effectively trapping him to his seat as Ohno nuzzles at Nino’s belly. She smiles and sticks a tongue out at Nino, which Nino returns with a mild glare and a muffled-sounding grunt.   
  
She doesn’t know why it suddenly feels like she’s being suffocated when Nino is near, like the casual arm-on-the-shoulder and arm-around-her-waist don’t seem so harmless anymore. She’s beginning to question her own emotions at moments like these, but she can’t really do anything about them when she already knew where she stood in Nino’s life.   
  
She is in the middle of arranging the dishes into Jun’s expensive dishwasher when she feels a light brush of finger against her elbow, startling her.   
  
It’s Jun.   
  
“ – you okay in here?” Jun asks with the gentlest of smiles before taking over the job or arranging the dishes, briefly leaving her alone to her thoughts, however messy they are at the moment. She finds herself mumbling her response, blinking slowly at the shade of light pilfering through the open window, and heaving a sigh at the memory of her fingers tracing Nino’s face in the dark. “Oh god, that’s the deepest one so far,” Jun mutters with a hint of teasing in his tone, and she turns to him questioningly.   
  
“What?”   
  
Jun chuckles. “Nothing,” he says with a little shake of his head before grabbing two dishtowels and handing one to her. “You look like you needed more than Aiba’s usual dose of stupidity to cheer you up, Charry,” Jun says, twisting the dishtowel in his hand and staring at her.   
  
She makes a face and turns to watch the digits on Jun’s dishwasher change, squeaking when Jun catches one of her hands and imprisons it inside his own. There’s question hanging at the tips of her tongue when she looks up to Jun’s face, then back down to Jun’s hand cradling hers and to Jun’s mouth when Jun lifts their hands to drop a languid kiss against the back of her palm.   
  
“M-Matsumoto-san,”   
  
Jun’s smile is so sweet and so kind that Charry immediately feels scared.   
  
“I think I know just the perfect way to cheer you up, make you happy and keeping you that way too,” Jun says, leaning in closer to her and reaching out to stroke her cheeks softly.   
  
“Huh?” she mutters eloquently, blinking and blinking again, trying hard not to go cross-eyed in her attempt to keep track of Jun’s eyes and face considering the short distance between their faces.   
  
Jun grins and Charry feels a little lost.   
  
“Go out with me,” Jun breathes, his eyes are so bright that Charry’s closing her eyes before she even realizes doing it, and popping them open as soon as she closes them the minute she feels a press of something soft and warm against her lips.   
  
“J! what the hell!” Nino screams from the door at the same time Jun catch her hands he probably knows are about to shove him away, pulling her into him and hugging her so tight that the action completely took her by surprise.


	4. The Broken Heart's Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Blessing, my ass,” he mutters, taking a long drag from his cigarette and puffing the smoke out around a frustrated grunt; he shifts so as to lean back heavily against the wall, kicking the litters of cigarette butts he is able to produce for the past ten minutes of chain smoking around his feet, but still feeling terribly pissed.

He is going to cut someone and he doesn’t care if that someone happens to be one of his long-standing friends (best friend, for crissake!) because, really, is he the only one who takes this ‘she’s my ex-girlfriend-turned-bestfriend-so-hands-off-fuckers’ business seriously? He knows he doesn’t have any right, at all, to stop anyone who would want to date Charry and vice versa but he can’t really help feeling abundantly pissed at Jun right now for actually taking things a few steps further by kissing her first and then asking for his blessing right after he has yelled his lungs out at him.

“ _Blessing,_ my ass,” he mutters, taking a long drag from his cigarette and puffing the smoke out around a frustrated grunt; he shifts so as to lean back heavily against the wall, kicking the litters of cigarette butts he is able to produce for the past ten minutes of chain smoking around his feet, but still feeling terribly pissed.

He went straight here exactly two seconds after he screamed profanities to Jun’s face, accusing the younger man of a million and one thing he’s not even sure how he’s managed to accuse Jun of just because – _shit._

He sighs and hangs his head low, closing his eyes at the memory of Charry’s shocked face and the way she clung to Jun’s hands like they were her lifeline; he can’t think past the surprising jolt of jealously at the sight of her kissing another person, let alone seeing her with someone whom he knows like the back of his own hand.

 

Maybe that is why he chose not to contact her when he knows she’s in a relationship, because just the thought of seeing her with another man, holding her close like he owns her, kissing her like she’s the most precious thing for him is something he knows he can never stand seeing.

But seeing her willingly opens her lips to trade mouth fluids (okay, maybe not but that’s just how he sees it, damn it) with someone he knows almost half of his life, and doing it when she’s obviously still trying to get over her supposed heartbreak brought about by that asshole ex-boyfriend of hers, beats him.

Shouldn’t he be the one holding her close while she’s crying her heart out over the pain of yet another failed relationship? It is supposed to be that way; it has always been that way since after they agreed on staying friends, but then –

“Fuck,” he curses, tasting bile in his tongue at the realization that he’s acting like a complete jerk; Jun didn’t deserve being yelled at like that, and Charry – for the love of all that’s holy, Ninomiya, what in hell have you done this time?

“Yeah,” someone agrees from beside him and he startles, “ – you just kind of fucked up what is supposed to be your ‘cheer up my ex-girlfriend day’ because of your stupidity,” grimacing at the out-of-place grin he sees blooming at the corners of the newcomer’s mouth and realizes belatedly that the newcomer is merely answering Nino’s thought.

“You do know it’s creepy when you answer my thoughts like that, right? Like you can actually hear what I’m thinking even when I’m not saying anything out loud,” he complains, throwing yet another finished stick on the ground and stomping on it while he whips his half-empty pack and holds it out. “Come on, old man,” he says, nodding at the pack in his hand and taking one to shoves it in his mouth.

Ohno accepts and flicks one stick out, leaning in forward and mirroring Nino’s action when Nino passes him his already lighted one, inhaling deep as he presses the burning end of Nino’s cigarette to his and watching the tip burns slowly as he does so, tasting the familiar taste of nicotine in his tongue. 

The silence between them drags on for about five minutes before Nino finds himself cursing under his breath again; he can’t stay still, and the fact that Ohno’s usual calming presence is unable to wind his frayed nerves down is another thing that sets him off quicker than he normally would have allowed.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he grumbles, fingers trembling as he throws his still unfinished cigarette stick, and feeling that familiar stinging in his eyes that doesn’t have anything to do with acting; his chest suddenly feels so heavy that he has to breath a few times just to be able to get the air back into his lungs and wiping his face every few minutes to brush away the burning wet sensation trailing down his face.

“Kazu,” Ohno mumbles at the same time Nino feels a hand lands over his shoulder, squeezing knowingly; he chokes on the emotion he’s able to successfully hide until now, the pain of having to go through losing her because he’s too afraid to say the words that matter, to tell her she means the world to him when he’s the one who agrees on letting her go the first time.

“I love her _so_ much, Captain,” he finds himself saying while he’s crouched down on the pavement, body’s shaking with bearing the pain for so long; he realizes now why he proposes the idea of being friends after she had broken up with him and it’s never because of the reasons he has convinced her with but because of the many things he still can’t be man enough to admit. He loves her so much and that in itself is probably the one thing he still doesn’t know how to handle, because that’s the kind of emotion he isn’t sure if he can be able to contain until the end. He loves her, probably more than his self-confessed love for money, probably more than the love he has for himself and for Arashi, and it scares him.

Ohno’s arms are there to anchor him when he feels like he’s drowning, burying his face against the crook of the older man’s neck as he sobs.

“Then why won’t you tell her that, Kazu?” Ohno mumbles through his hair, hands gentle on his shoulders as he cries; he can’t, he knows he can’t and it’s killing him knowing that Charry will soon find someone to take care of her and he will be left alone, dwelling with the lost of the one and only person who has loved him despite the weaknesses he can’t conquer, despite his unwillingness to give himself fully to that person who means everything to him.

“She deserves someone better, Captain,” he answers, miserable and hurt and feeling like he’s lost everything in a span of a whole heartbeat, and he can’t even do anything to stop it. “ – someone who can give her what she needs, someone who will stand by her and who can hold her hand without getting harassed by the public afterwards,”

“Kazu,”

“I love her so much, Ohchan,” he follows as he grips the collar of their leader’s shirt, trembling at the reality that once again, he is willing to push her away because of his insecurities. “ – but she deserves more than this – more than what I can give her,”

“Even if it means giving her away? Even if it means handing her over to someone who doesn’t know her the same way you do?” Ohno asks, soft and inquiring and yet Nino knows the older man is merely testing him.

He bravely shuts that sensible part of him that screams ‘bloody hell, no!’ at him, and brushing away the images of Charry in flowing, white gown about to kiss her faceless groom in the mouth, and nods.

Ohno’s sighs are as deep and mysterious as the man himself, his hold around Nino’s shoulders tightening just the tiniest bit.

“I do hope you know what you’re doing, Kazunari,” Ohno says, “ – because I can’t possibly punch Jun or Charry in the face for hurting you, since you are the one who brought this to yourself, so,”

He shakes his head and in that moment, he wishes Ohno is right.

“Let’s hope I’d be strong enough to leave the room before I start killing anyone,” he chuckles mirthlessly.

Ohno pats him on the back. “I wish I know what’s going on in your head, Kazu,” Ohno says, sounding fond and exasperated as he ruffles Nino’s hair. Nino raises his head, and grins before leaning up to press a grateful kiss against the older man’s cheek.

“You don’t want to be in there right now, old man,” he mutters as he pushes himself up and holding one hand out to help Ohno. “ – and thank you. For listening,”

Ohno reaches out, curls his fingers through Nino’s and lets go when he’s fully upright only to mock-punch Nino in the chin. “Anytime,” he says, grabbing Nino and throwing an arm around Nino’s shoulder. “We’re not Taka and Yuuji for nothing,”

Nino chuckles mirthlessly. “Right. Shall we go back?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my line?”

He retaliates by jabbing a bony elbow against Ohno’s side. “The hell it is!”


	5. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s just too much about this that is beyond awkward, impossible even, but Charry knows she doesn’t have any right to question anyone’s intention right now, much more to voice out her concerns when it is clear that all of this are happening because of her.

She supposes ending up being driven home by Jun instead of Nino is a good thing (not that she’s going to mention it to either party, because she’s not that stupid, no matter how much Nino thinks she is) because at least with Jun, she can fidget through the entire car ride without feeling the need to start a conversation until Jun decides to do it himself.

Which is funny, and well, awkward, if she wants to be honest about it, because she has never seen herself in such a complicated situation (probably more complicated than her current relationship with Nino) wherein  her ex-boyfriend-turned-bestfriend-to-whom-she-is-still-madly-in-love-with’s bandmate/bestfriend has decided that cooking special meals for his bestfriend’s ex-girlfriend-turned-bestfriend to cheer her up is not enough to keep him occupied (or amused, depends on his mood) and thinks that, hey, maybe I can make something out of this that will benefit us both, like, say, dating her?

She sighs. There’s just too much about this that is beyond awkward, impossible even, but Charry knows she doesn’t have any right to question anyone’s intention right now, much more to voice out her concerns when it is clear that all of this are happening because of her.

She heaves another sigh and turns to stare out of the slightly opened passenger’s side window, and blinking blearily at the glaring lights peppered along the still busy streets of the late Tokyo evening; the traffic has seized marginally by this time of the night and she can at least appreciate the beauty of the not-so-busy downtown Tokyo without actually bumping against anyone.

She smiles without meaning to and shifts fully to her left, placing her hands against the window like a child, craning her neck as she gazes outside.

“How long has it been since you migrated here, Charry?” Jun asks, sounding fond and something she can’t quite place a name on as she whips around to face him, shifting on her seat properly; Jun chuckles and spares her a glance through the mirror before he takes his eyes back on the road. “ – because you sure looks like it’s your first time seeing the place,” Jun adds softly when she all but dumbly stare at him, like he’s speaking some complicated language instead of talking to her in Japanese.

She really tries to hold back her snort but something still slips out and it’s what prompted Jun’s giggles to resurface that he clearly wants to try and hide but fails immediately when she all but scowls sourly back.

“Not funny,” she mutters, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as Jun continues chortling under his breath, reining his mirth in by biting his lips hard; she shakes her head and pointedly stares at the other man which Jun returns with a sugary smile.

“Maybe not,” Jun replies after a while, still chuckling; Charry can’t decide whether to be amazed at the fact that Jun doesn’t seem too worried about his bestfriend yelling profanities at him like he’s the worst person to ever exist not even an hour ago. Instead, Jun is smiling like nothing has happened before now and throwing her meaningful stares when he thinks she is not looking. “ – but you’re one amusing young lady, and I think I get it now,” he says, pausing for a brief second to reach out and brushes an affectionate finger over her cheek.

Her brows furrow at that. “Get what? Is this some kind of a joke between you guys, because seriously, I don’t understand any of it,”

She doesn’t realized that the car has stopped already until Jun turns the ignition off and shifts to face her, reaching a hand out to brush the stray of stubborn hair off her temple before using the same hand to cup her cheeks, his thumb brushing soft caresses across her skin. She blinks in confusion, feeling a little odd as she stares down but Jun’s hand on her face stops her from further looking away.

Jun smiles that one smile she knows will have any fangirl die in envy, before he slowly crosses the distance between their faces until she can almost breathe him in.

Jun’s fingers move across her cheeks, smoothing her blush away with an almost imperceptible smile, scoots closer and closer still, even when she all but pushes herself back against the passenger’s door.

Jun’s eyes are as bright as a room filled with neon lights when he stares at her, his gaze moving down to her own slightly parted mouth. Then she feels Jun’s fingers walk their way under her chin, before Jun ducks down to press a soft, almost feather-like kiss over her quivering lips.

She blinks. “W-What?” she breathes the question almost automatically when Jun hums back in wonder, cupping her face firmly in place as her brain slowly shuts down on itself.

“The reason why my brat of a friend thinks you’re the most amazing girl he ever had the opportunity to meet and why until now, he makes sure to keep you close even when it’s clearly hurting him. I think I get it now, Charry; I think I know just what Kazu saw in you – the reason why until now, he’s still so crazy about you,” Jun says, and kisses her quiet again.


	6. Hurt me, why don't you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His life suddenly feel like those daytime dramas he used to watch with his grandma (and his grandma’s battalion of grandma-bffs), minus the weeping wives and cheating husbands (only a real-life idol who wishes he can punch a fellow idol/bandmate/bestfriend in the face everytime he sees him).

His life suddenly feel like those daytime dramas he used to watch with his grandma (and his grandma’s battalion of grandma-bffs), minus the weeping wives and cheating husbands (only a real-life idol who wishes he can punch a fellow idol/bandmate/bestfriend in the face everytime he sees him).

Well he can’t really help it when it’s pretty obvious that Jun is, quite literally, shoving his blissful, newly-found romance involving Nino’s ex-girlfriend-turned-bestfriend right in front of Nino’s face – whipping his phone around dramatically when it rings and speaking in an absurdly loud (and disgustingly sweet) voice whenever Nino is around to hear it, and it didn’t matter if he was talking to Charry or not because he seemed to be deliberately trying to rile Nino up by making Nino believe he is always talking to Charry even when Nino is sure that he’s not.

He can’t help but hate Jun a little more everyday, hate himself twice as much because he knows Jun doesn’t deserve his ire, or anyone for that matter.

He can’t blame Jun for wanting to date Charry, or blame Charry for actually agreeing because it’s their right and not because he is still madly in love with her (without Charry knowing, of course) doesn’t mean he has the right to stop her from going out with anyone, bandmate/bestfriend or not, because, well, he just don’t; he has managed to stand behind her while she tried to make a life of her own, watched her while she jumped from one relationship to another, cradled her close when she came to him – broken, torn – and helped her picked up the pieces of herself until she was ready to wove herself back together again.

He’s able to do that and more, and yet they were still there for each other – always ready to literally ruffle each other’s feathers when the situation called for it, then why is he feeling this way now? What is the difference between those guys Charry dated before now, before Jun, that he suddenly feels like he wants to claim Charry back like she always belonged to him?

“Damn it,” he mutters as he reaches up to massage his throbbing temple, and looks down to his DS lying innocently on his lap; there are about three more levels to beat before he can be able to finish this game he’s been trying to finish for almost a week now (frustrating, but true) and yet he’s here, caught between wanting to call Charry and killing himself before he even manages to whip his phone out and dial Charry’s number.

So damn frustrating.

That’s when his phone rings, startling him that it almost seemed comical with the way he stumbles to his feet to grab his phone while trying not to hyperventilate the minute he realizes it is her.

“Hello?”

A pause, then, “Kazu, are you free today? Like, now?” she asks and he feels his chest swells with something he can’t still be man enough to name, let alone admit out loud as he grips his phone as tightly as his shaking fingers will allow him, closing his eyes to the sound of her voice he didn’t realize he’s missed so much before now and willing himself not to say the first very first thing his heart tell him to say after so long _– I love you, baby, I love you_ – and instead, he swallows hard and replies ‘yes’ before he can even stop himself.

There is another brief pause before he hears her responding deep breath and he can imagine her teeth digging almost painfully against her bottom lip. “G-Great. Can you come over?”

Now it’s his turn to be confused. “Now, as in now?”

“Yes, if it’s okay,”

“That’s fine,” he says, and then like an afterthought, “ – is there any problem?”

Charry barks a laugh but even that sounded forced. “No, no; I just.” She pauses for a bit and then, firmly and seemingly more annoyed, “Kazu, quit being a brat and stop asking questions and just come over here if you can, please?”

He chuckles as he smoothes a hand over his warm cheeks and grins into the phone.

“Well, if you put it that way,”

“Kazunari Ninomiya!”

He laughs. “Right, right; I’m coming,”

#

He tosses his shoes absently as he let himself in using Charry’s spare key that he obviously still have, humming under his breath as he lets his eyes wander around for a bit, just taking the familiar sight in; he realizes he hasn’t been here lately and that the last time he actually dropped by to visit her was probably five months ago. He can hear the sounds of her shuffling around her apartment and it makes him smile knowing that she’s probably doing her last minute cleaning the way she always does when he’s coming to visit.

He makes his way towards the living room and feels his smile slowly blooms at the corners of his mouth seeing the obvious changes in the apartment since the last time he’s been here. He doubles his steps, ready with his snarky insults when he stops dead on his feet and finds himself stepping back at the sight that greets him.

“Oh,” Jun turns from where he is hovering over, checking something Nino can’t quite see from where he is standing, beckoning him over with a wave of his hand and an obvious quirk of his lips. “Charry, darling, your bestfriend is here,” he calls.

Nino feels like hitting his head to the nearest wall.


	7. Giving Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her chest feels so tight that she is amazed she was able to go through dinner without dying on the spot, her fingers trembling in a way that she wishes she can blame on the fact that she’s nervous. But she shouldn’t be, because she chose this – she called Nino here to talk to him, but Jun popping up before Nino even arrive is something she wasn’t expecting at all.

There are so many things she had wanted to tell him but all of them seemed to evaporate the minute her eyes met his. She is at least a little grateful that Jun is here to break the sudden silence, mentioning about the dinner that is surely going to get cold if the two of them will remain standing there and looking at each other like they’ve both grown two heads.

She bites her tongue and leads the way although Nino doesn’t really need it for Nino’s been here a lot of time to know exactly where he needs to go, but he sure looks like he’d rather be anywhere than be here – with her, and well, with Jun.

The dinner is quiet, save from the occasional exchange of questions thrown around, courtesy of Jun; Nino’s picking on his food more than usual and she can’t help but feel a little off whenever their gazes would accidentally meet because Nino is quick on tearing his eyes away from hers, his lips curling in that awfully familiar way that sends painful shivers down to the tips of her toes.

“Excuse me,” she said while Jun is in the middle of relaying a story about him and Sho and a huge snake, avoiding Nino’s eyes as much as possible as she stands up. “I’m… I’ll just go and get more water,” she says and doesn’t wait for any of them to answer, shuffling to the kitchen as fast as her wobbly knees will allow her without looking back.

Her chest feels so tight that she is amazed she was able to go through dinner without dying on the spot, her fingers trembling in a way that she wishes she can blame on the fact that she’s nervous. But she shouldn’t be, because she chose this – she called Nino here to talk to him, but Jun popping up before Nino even arrive is something she wasn’t expecting at all.

The plan is to confess to Nino once and for all – to let him know that he’s still the one she’d rather spend her lazy days with even when she knows how few and far in between that possibility might be. She even made a list of all the things she’d wanted to tell Nino, had even stupidly rehearsed in front of the mirror the night before if only to make sure she isn’t going to make a fool out of herself the next time they see each other.

She doesn’t realize she is standing next to the sink, her fingers gripping the side of it so tight her knuckles are turning white when someone clears his throat from behind her, startling her.

“Charity,” calls the voice she won’t ever tire of hearing, even when she’s old and dying, keeping herself still as she strains to hear the quiet footsteps coming from behind her. She suddenly feels light-headed, like everything about this messed up little truce is catching up on her so fast she doesn’t know how to stop it.

She feels Nino’s eyes against the back of her head and she wishes Jun isn’t here to witness this, if it’s possible. She turns quickly around, still not meeting his eyes and realizes with a start that Nino is standing so close she can almost breath him, backing up a step and almost stumbling when Nino’s hand grasps her by the arms, pulling her back.

There’s that familiar electricity when their skins touch, and she briefly wonders why this feels so right when she knows it isn’t supposed to.

“I’m leaving,” he says, his breath touching her face in such a way that leaves her so utterly broken before he completely pulls away without as much as bothering leaving her with at least a little peck on the cheek the way he used to.

She nods her agreement and misses the way Nino’s squares his jaw because she is already turning around to slap a hand over her mouth to muffle her cries.

#

“I want to apologize, I really do, but I think it is not my fault that you are so miserable like that because you’re clearly both acting like total idiots and it just so happen that I was here to witness it,” Jun grumbles half-heartedly, thrusting the third box of Kleenex to her face as she sobs quietly.

“ishnotchorfault,” she replies, blowing her nose.

“What?”

She sniffs. “I said it’s not your fault, don’t worry about it,”

Jun looks entirely unconvinced, his face twisting into a grimace when she ducks down to smother her cries with another handful of tissue, her shoulders shaking.

“God, I don’t know why it suddenly feels like this is all my fault.” He whines, inching closer to her side. “Or maybe it is, because I do like you and I wasn’t trying to keep it as a secret. But I know where I stand, okay? I know you love that brat so much, you already told me so, but shouldn’t you at least warned me before-hand that you have invited him here with hopes of confessing your undying love and devotion to him so I wouldn’t have stayed over and left before he arrived? Ugh, so that was why he was looking at me like he wanted to murder me right then and there,”

Hearing this, she can’t help but feel more than a little pathetic for acting this way.

Because everything Jun said is true, and she may be the biggest idiot for not telling Nino these things but can they blame her? She doesn’t know what’s going on in Nino’s head, let alone decipher all of those meaningful glances Nino’s kept throwing her way since they broke up because she doesn’t know how to. She was convinced that Nino didn’t love her the way she wants him to love her, and that possibly being friends is the only way Nino knows how to make things work between them.

But she can’t keep lying to herself when she knows what she truly feels. Even Jun knows that he can’t rival Nino when he _knows_ – _sees_ the way she looks at him as if he is the only person in the room when they are together, and thinks that Nino is not only blind but also stupid for not realizing this.

Jun likes her enough that he even persuade her to try and date him, maybe that way she can forget Nino, but she flat out refused; she allows Jun to kiss her but even then, she knows she isn’t going to agree on it.

She still loves Nino so much it hurts just looking at him, and now that she doesn’t know how to even address her feelings properly, she doesn’t know if it’s even right for her to be here – to still continue on seeing Nino when she wants more than what Nino chooses to give her.

She wipes her face, sits up straight and thinks, _she’d have to give Nino what Nino deserves._

“Charry?” Jun calls, confused when she stands up and goes straight to her bedroom.

She stops without looking back.

“Matsumoto-san,” she says, willing her voice not to tremble although she can feel that what she’s about to do is going to shake her defenses to the core.

“Yes?”

“Will you book a flight for me? To Manila, early tomorrow preferably.”

“What?”

“I… I want to go home,”


	8. Go, and I'll come running after you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s something in her eyes he doesn’t quite understand, something in the way she stared at him that made even the simple thing as breathing difficult; there’s something so painfully familiar in the way her lips curled when he approached her, and for the life of him, he doesn’t know if it’s even possible for him to think that he meant more to her than he thought was possible.

He isn’t sure how he was able to get through dinner without ending up stabbing Jun with his chopsticks, but he guesses it was because he was also busy trying not to cry and embarrass himself in front of his bandmate and bestfriend. He doesn’t know what Charry’s after – or maybe he does – for inviting him and Jun over but he wasn’t that stupid to stay and find out.

His chest feels like it has been punched repeatedly, and he feels like the ground beneath his feet sways as he braces himself against the nearest wall, shutting his eyes close at the memory of her pretty face before he left her.

There’s something in her eyes he doesn’t quite understand, something in the way she stared at him that made even the simple thing as breathing difficult; there’s something so painfully familiar in the way her lips curled when he approached her, and for the life of him, he doesn’t know if it’s even possible for him to think that he meant more to her than he thought was possible.

Because they’d agreed on being friends, didn’t they? They said it’s for the better, but right now, he doesn’t know anymore. There’s so much about loving Charry in silence, in trying to keep his promise without letting her know how much it is hurting him in the process. Maybe Ohno is right, maybe the only thing he’s supposed to be doing is making sure she knows how he feels, and then he’ll start from there.

Maybe, that’s what he ought to be doing.

He turns to pay the door to her apartment one last glance before he battles with himself whether to leave or to go back in there to talk to her, but he figures it is better that he do it when he’s sure that she’s alone. He loves his bandmates like his own brothers but he’s sure as hell not going to confess to his ex-girlfriend-turned-bestfriend that he’s still so madly in love with in front of one of them, especially when he knows that the said bandmate is also sporting an undeniable desire to date her at the very first chance he gets. The bastard.

So he’s decided. For once, he knows he should man up and turn around for now, plan his ‘war strategy’ first before he goes and knocks her off her feet the way he’d successfully did before. It makes him smile even if he doesn’t know how things will end for them both, but even then, he knows she won’t do anything to deliberately hurt him. He doesn’t really know where this sudden vote of confidence is coming from, but he guesses it’s embedded in him, because deep down he knows he is important to her as she is to him.

 _Tomorrow,_ he whispers as he turns back around, squaring his shoulders and smiling softly at the memory of how she perfectly fit in his arms as if she is made for him and him alone. _Tomorrow, I promise to make things right_.

He starts to walk away and for once, his footsteps feels lighter than they had in weeks.

#

He’s just about to turn in for the night (or morning, since it’s already half past 3), after having to write down his plans for tomorrow and smiling to himself whilst doing so, when his phone suddenly vibrates to life and Jun’s name glares back at him from the illuminated screen.

He grimaces, scowls and calls Jun names under his breath. And actually thinks twice if he’s going to answer him or not, but then he figures that Jun never calls him, or anyone for that matter at crap o’clock in the morning just to boast about something because Jun loves his beauty sleep as much as he loves Arashi, so it must be important.

He stumbles as he reaches to snatch his phone from his bedside table, squinting as his other hand reaches for his eyeglasses at the same time.

He swipes his thumb across the screen and slaps the phone against his ear, barely able to get a word out when he hears Jun’s hurried voice from the other end.

“Nino? Nino? Hello, are you awake? Hell –“

Something contracts in his chest at the tone of Jun’s voice but he tries hard to rein it in. “Yes,” he hisses, hoping it’s enough to send the message across that he’s not about to let anyone, bandmate or not, to mess with him at four o’clock in the goddamn morning for nothing. “And you better make sure this is worth my time, J, or I’m seriously killing you the next time we see each other,” he follows rudely, although he is trying to keep his fingers from shaking when Jun suddenly goes very quiet, save from the sound of people talking in the  background and -- “Hello? Are you still there?”

A pause and then the tell-tale sound of Jun heaving a sigh, followed by the familiar sound of someone speaking from a PA system, about a certain flight that is starting to board and Nino’s heart suddenly leaps from his chest to his throat.

“Kazu,”

“Where the fuck are you?” he bites out, springing from his bed and starts pacing around, gripping his phone tightly to his face. “Are you in the airport? What the hell are you –“

“I’m with Charry,” Jun says, cutting him off and it sure feels he’s been knocked out flat, air leaving his body in a rush and he is left gasping for breath. “I took her here; her flight leaves in two hours, Nino,” Jun follows, not leaving him any room to ask or to think, at all.

He feels light-headed and everything around him seemed to have been covered with nothing but blackness as he finds himself slowly dropping on his knees, unable to say anything as Jun goes on and on about why he’s with Charry and why in hell they are in the airport so early.

“J,” he croaks, finally able to find his voice as he reaches for his bed’s edge, pulling himself upright. “P-Please, just this once, please be honest with me,” he says.

Jun mumbles something inarticulate but hums his answer anyway. “Sure,”

“Are you and Charry already –“

“Stupid, no,” Jun grumbles, sounding part-annoyed, part-amused, but Nino feels another heavy layer of something un-nameable removes itself from his chest. “Why do you think I’m calling you to inform you that she’d rather go home and stay as far away from you than to date me? Me, Japan’s most good-looking idol to ever exist –“

“Right, right,” he mutters, wanting to call Jun out for being the world’s most conceited idol to ever walk the earth but decides against it as he suddenly feels like he’s starting to regain his lost strength and reaching over to where he has placed his car keys earlier. “I’ll be there in thirty – no, make it twenty,” he says, not bothering changing clothes and just reaches for his jacket that he has thrown haphazardly across his bed. “Don’t let her board yet, so help me, because I might end up going after her and I don’t think my manager is going to be so happy about it if that happens, or you, for that matter,” he says, strutting towards the door.

Jun snorts on the other end and he sounds fonder than ever and Nino mentally notes to buy Jun his favorite set of aromatherapy candles no matter how expensive they are. The guy deserves it afterall.

“Shall I tell her you’re on your way or --?”

He makes sure he locks his door before running to the nearest elevator that will take him down to the apartment block’s parking lot.

“No,” he says quickly, “No, I… I’ll be there, just… just keep an eye on her for me, J, okay?”

He can practically hear Jun roll his eyes on the other end.

“Fine,” he says, “I will. Don’t rush, drive safe, and don’t do anything stupid while you’re driving, okay?”

He smiles at that. “Yes, Mom,” he says, laughing a little when Jun tells him off. Then, “Oh, and J,”

“Yeah?”

He punches absently at the B as he slips inside the elevator.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, smiles when Jun chuckles and hangs up.

He needs to hurry before the girl who has his heart leaves for good, leaving him with nothing to live for because she’s taken everything with her.

 _Sweetheart, wait for me_.


	9. Hearts and Laces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thing is, until now, she’s still not sure if she can leave without seeing him -- the reason why she decided on this anyway – and know that she’s leaving everything behind with no regrets. She loves him, so much that it pains her just thinking that he’d probably hate her forever for leaving without telling him, but she guesses it won’t matter anyway – not when he would still hate her if she stays, only to mess his friendship with his bandmates because of her stupidity.

This isn’t exactly how she pictured things should be, leaving everything behind when she knows there’s nothing for her to go back to at home, because she’s home – Japan’s been her home since her parents died and she was adopted by her mother’s sister who was married to a Japanese national. This has been her home since and she doesn’t really know what to expect when she goes back home, but her grandmother is all but thrilled when she called her up last night to tell her she’s probably coming home to visit the next day.

The thing is, until now, she’s still not sure if she can leave without seeing him -- the reason why she decided on this anyway – and know that she’s leaving everything behind with no regrets. She loves him, so much that it pains her just thinking that he’d probably hate her forever for leaving without telling him, but she guesses it won’t matter anyway – not when he would still hate her if she stays, only to mess his friendship with his bandmates because of her stupidity.

Especially now that she’s here with Matsumoto Jun, who doesn’t even dare hide his obvious desire to be near her, even after what she told him. She’s just glad that Jun isn’t like those other guys she met before, who usually turn homicidal when some girl turns them down, especially since Jun isn’t just some normal guy and she’s definitely just one of those normal girls.  

She sighs and lets herself drift off, wondering what in hell these Arashi members see in her when she realizes Jun is subtly tugging his huge hat further down his face, speaking in hush tones at someone on his phone.

She shrugs and plops herself on the only available seat on the far end of the waiting area, wishing for Jun to hurry up and finish his conversation to whoever it is he is talking to so she can go to the boarding area already. She still has about two hours to laze around here, wait for something – someone, that sure isn’t going to come but she can’t; she can’t because Matsumoto-san takes liberty on carrying her Louis Vuitton shoulder bag (a generous gift from Nino-the-self-proclaimed-cheapskate) around like a model, where she had shoved her important belongings the night before, her passport, her IDs, and the copy of her ticket. Surely, there’s no way she can go to the boarding area without those, right?

When at last Matsumoto-san turns to face her (she’s still kind of surprised that no one has yet to recognize him), she stands up and offers him a little, grateful smile; she can’t see his eyes from the almost ridiculous way he’s got his hat tugged over his eyes but she’s not the one to complain – Kazu’s done far more ridiculous things to disguise himself and to avoid being discovered, but that the fact usually ends up with Nino running for cover as fangirls chased him into a corner or a wall.

“Matsumoto-san,” she whispers, careful not to let anyone hear her because it doesn’t hurt to be vigilant, not when you have a super idol posing as your personal driver cum bodyguard when he’s supposed to be either sleeping soundly or filming something. “I-It’s fine, you can go home now; I’ll be okay here, I can manage. I apologize for keeping you here, I’m sure you have plenty of things to do come morning and I –“

Jun waves his elegant hand at her, stopping her from talking. “It’s fine, it’s fine,” Jun mutters under his breath before those elegant fingers close around her elbow and tugs her towards the direction of a café. “I don’t have anything until around five, and it’s only an interview and a photoshoot; plenty of time to distract you, and maybe convince you not to go,” he says with a wink  before he goes to charm the barista for two cups of steaming coffee latte, while he leaves her to her thoughts.

She checks her wristwatch and shrugs; she has at least an hour and a half to spare before they start calling for passengers anyway. A few minutes more and Jun is setting down the coffee in front of them, wordlessly pushing the other cup near her.

“Sorry, I forgot to ask if you like coffee but if you don’t, I can buy you something else –“

She grabs at Jun’s hand, taking the coffee with her other. “No, I mean, yes – coffee’s fine, thank you so much,” she mumbles, whispers her thanks and takes few tentative sips as Jun does the same.

A few minutes of silence before Jun put his cup down and nudge her hand. “So, you’re still pushing with this? You’re just going to runaway, hoping that that idiot friend of mine develops enough brain cells to figure things out on his own while you’re gone? ‘s not going to happen, you know? Damn, I don’t really know why that is when he’s supposed to be the smart one here,”

She don’t know how to answer that, so she opted on keeping her eyes trained on the dark spot she finds on the table top.

“You love him, yes?” Jun probes after a few seconds.

There’s no need to deny that now, so she nods. “Yes,” she whispers, feeling her chest contract painfully at the thought that she won’t be able to tell him so – not when she decides on leaving her fate and his to whoever is watching them from above; she’s so tired, not by loving him but with all the complicated things that comes along with loving him, especially since she doesn’t know where she’s going with this in the end. She loves him, but for now, she thinks it is better for them both to find themselves away from each other, and maybe then, she’ll know what to do when they find each other again.

“Not just because he’s your bestfriend, right?”

She sniffs, realizing belatedly that she’s crying again. “No,” she replies, wiping her face with the back of her palm absently. “It’s never been because he’s just my friend,” she whispers, bravely, because now, Nino can’t hear her and there’s no chance for these words to be heard, ever. “I love him because he’s him; I love him because when I’m with him, it’s the closest to what being happy and contented I’ve been and I love him because with him, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I love him, I love him so much and I –“

“And still you’re leaving me? Perfect way to break my heart, Charity,”

A pair of arms wraps her from behind and she froze, dazedly watches Jun stands up from his seat and murmurs, “And that’s my cue to leave. Ciao.” 


	10. Back into Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows he chooses the worst possible time to be standing behind her, when she’s crying her heart out and telling her bandmate (or her coffee cup, by the looks of it) how much she loves him, and how she feels when she’s with him; he doesn’t know how he’s managed not to jump her instantly, waiting for her to finish while Jun is eyeing him warily through his huge, ridiculous-looking hat.

He knows he chooses the worst possible time to be standing behind her, when she’s crying her heart out and telling her bandmate (or her coffee cup, by the looks of it) how much she loves him, and how she feels when she’s with him; he doesn’t know how he’s managed not to jump her instantly, waiting for her to finish while Jun is eyeing him warily through his huge, ridiculous-looking hat.   
  
“It’s never been because he’s just my friend,” she had said, and he is sure he is seconds away from sobbing, happy tears threatening to spill out if not for the fact that they are still in the middle of a public café and his meddlesome bandmate is smirking at him behind his coffee cup. “I love him because he’s him; I love him because when I’m with him, it’s the closest to what being happy and contented I’ve been and I love him because with him, I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I love him, I love him so much and I –“   
  
Oh, fuck it.   
  
He takes a step forward and ignores the way his heart threatens to beat its way out of his chest, also ignoring the way Jun pushes his hat a bit to watch him make a complete fool out of himself as he throws his arms around Charry, and ducking down to press his lips on top of her head.   
He’s shaking like crazy and he feels the way she completely stiffens against him but that doesn’t stop him from curling his arms around her, tight enough and trapping her if she ever thinks of running away.   
  
He’s not letting her run away, not now, not when the truth is out in the open, not when he can finally claim her back the way he supposed he should have done ages ago. And he’d be stupid to let her go now, not that he hadn’t been stupid enough the first time he agreed on keeping his end of the bargain by being her bestfriend.   
  
“And still you’re leaving me? Perfect way to break my heart, Charity,” he mumbles to her hair, keeps his arms tightly wrapped around her as Jun smiles at them, looking slightly disgusted.   
  
“K-Kazu?”   
  
He smiles to her hair and feels the way his heart breaks a little when she calls his name, the way every single part of him longs to be called that way eversince. “The only one,” he says, his voice cracking in the most embarrassing way possible, and it doesn’t help that Jun is warily eyeing them behind his coffee cup.   
  
He feels the way she suddenly starts shaking, her fingers creeping up to touch his arms, curling all the way to his own trembling digits.   
Jun chooses that moment to stand up, taking his coffee with him. “And that’s my cue to leave. Ciao.” He says and walks away, still smiling smugly like how he usually smiles after a very successful concert. He’s just glad that Jun’s able to bite his tongue before he said something awful. He just have to ready himself the next time they see each other because this won’t simply go untold, and judging with that satisfied smile plastered on Jun’s lips, he bet he’ll be the topic of the Juniors’ gossip circle for two weeks straight.   
  
He still doesn’t let go even with Jun no longer in sight, still doesn’t let her leave the comforts of his embrace when he tugs her up; but she surprises him yet again by turning in his arms when she’s fully standing till they’re finally facing each other despite the obstructing face mask he has on and his own version of ridiculous hat.   
  
“What are you doing here? How did you know I was –“ she says, or at least starts to say but he beats her to it, placing a finger over her lips to silence her; now’s not the time for her to ask the questions, and for once, he wants to be the one leading the conversation just to make sure she won’t lead him into thinking twice about how he feels about her again.   
  
“I’ve got spies all over the place to take care of you, don’t you know?” he says, pushing the brim of his cap up a bit to squint at her, his voice sounded a bit muffled because of the mask.   
  
He wipes the remaining tracks of tears across her cheeks with his thumb, not daring to look away as her lips quiver yet again.   
  
“M-My flight leaves in an hour and a half and I –“   
  
“I love you,” he bravely say to overcome the myriad of emotions overlapping each other, firmly so as to let her know he means it this time, really. “I am still so in love with you and I’m sorry if it took me this long to realize that I do,” he adds, just to make sure she’s listening, just to make sure he says it clearly before she decides on doing what she needs to do now.   
  
Her eyes are so bright when she looks up to him, but her lips curls into a smile he knows is meant for only him; but there’s still a lot in between them that had to be taken care of, a lot of things to talk about before he gains her trust back. He can see it in her eyes, the willingness to try and mend things but there’s also the obvious hesitation and he can’t blame her; it’s scary for her to put her trust in him again, to nod her head and agree to try it one more time with him, simply because it’s never going to be easy.   
  
He holds her face in between his hands, carefully, tenderly, ignoring the world around them as he looks straight into her eyes.   
  
“I’m not asking you to take me back,” he whispers and he knows he’s lying to her again, but it’s this or losing her forever. “ – just… just please, give me another chance to make things right… to show you how much I’m willing to work this out with you, because Charry, baby, I’ve never stopped loving you and I wish, god, I wish I can –“   
  
His mask falls off and then the next thing he feels is the quick press of her lips against his own before she puts his mask back in.   
  
“Shut up, Ninomiya,” she whispers, leaning in to bury her face against his neck. “Just shut your mouth and take me home,”   
  
He pulls her in and muffles his laughter into her hair, his chest near to bursting.   
  
“Oh god, yes… yes, let’s –“   
  
#   
  
He fumbles with his keys while Charry keeps her arm wormed around his waist, hiding her giggles against the arm that is thrown over her shoulders; he feels lighter, he feels braver, like the pain of watching her from afar is nothing more than a bitter memory already. He drops a kiss against the side of her head, pushing the door open and leading her inside, closing the door behind them quietly.   
  
“D’you want anything to drink?” he asks her, trying hard to be polite and she answers him with an elegant eye roll. “Charry, don’t be such a –“   
She backs herself against the door, tugging him with her before leaning in to nose at his cheeks, her warm hands around his neck.   
  
“I haven’t agreed on anything, Ninomiya-san,” she says, breathing her words almost against his mouth, making him shiver; she still knows her way into making him lose control, still knows how to tease him without even trying. He knows they should take it slow from here on, should probably take her inside and make them both two cups of teas and talk.   
  
But Charry’s mouth is on his jaw, skimming his face with open-mouthed kisses that sends thrill of excitement down his spine, and really, how does she expect him to keep his cool when she’s teasing him like this?   
  
Her hands crawl their way downward, gripping his shirt and pulling him in closer, trapping his legs in between her own, her mouth moving dangerously closer to his; he’s breathing unevenly now, and god, it had been months since he’d properly felt someone else’s hands roaming his body, been almost that long since he allowed someone this close, most especially someone whom he knows almost like the back of his own hand.   
  
And it doesn’t help that the memories of those intimate moments they shared together is slowly coming back now, intensifying his desire to take every tiny bit of her, to re-trace her body with his fingers just to know if she feels exactly the same as she does before.   
  
“We should sit down and talk about some things,” he replies, grabbing her by the hips with one hand and raising her head up with the other; “To, you know, make sure we’re not about to make the same mistakes again and –“ he pauses and watches the way she slowly cracks a smile, watching each emotions flicker through her eyes as he steadies her.   
  
She licks her lips and he thinks he’s going to lose it right then and there.   
  
“I’ve been without this since you and I called it quits,” she says, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks and he thinks she’s still the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, knowing exactly what she means with this; “Now, bestfriend,” she says, arching her back and moaning when she feels his answering hardness against her legs. “ – since you’re obviously feeling exactly what I’m feeling, can we just skip that part for now and go straight into business, please?”   
  
He laughs boisterously, simply because he cannot help it, and then help himself with a kiss so passionate that it left her gasping and moaning for more when he pulls back away.   
  
“Yeah, let’s skip that part,” he says, feeling like he’s about to burst because of extreme happiness. “but first, let’s go inside before I do you here,”   
  
She whimpers. “I don’t see any problem there,” she says invitingly.   
  
He laughs again, tugging her. “No, but it’ll be bad for my back and for my ego, so let’s do this in the bed, shall we?”   
  
She scowls but otherwise obeys, letting him lead the way inside, his arms around her once again.   
  
“Spoilsport,”   
  
He kisses her mainly to shut her up. “You’ll take that back, I swear to god,” 

  
“Hmph,”


End file.
